I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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