i permit you to call me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
