The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
