saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
