i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
