I can text with my tongue
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You did what with his pubic hair?
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