There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
