Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
