Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
