I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
