I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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