I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
