hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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