"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
