he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
