he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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