he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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