I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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