Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
