I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
