I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
