i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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