you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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