One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is wine microwaveable?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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