i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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