I just threw up on my dentist
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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