You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
