toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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