are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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