We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
