did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
