i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
