i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
