Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
