Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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