cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
