toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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