somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
