I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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