Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
