Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
