Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
