You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and i looked up. we had an audience...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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