Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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