they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
