It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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