Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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