You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
