You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
