he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
