woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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