I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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