I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
