i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
