i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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