my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
