bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
